Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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