Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
