Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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