Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
