i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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