i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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