the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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