That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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