the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sex in a hospital.. check
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
