i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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