I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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