At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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