I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
