that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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