I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
