i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
