They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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