Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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