I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
