no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You made out with two different species that night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
