the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
