My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
