i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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