So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
