At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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