I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
