so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
