his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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