I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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