I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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