Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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