I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Screwed.edu
well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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