Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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