The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
