remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
