I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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