are you still at the devil's house?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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