you traded sex for a burrito?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
