New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
