your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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