Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
