I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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