omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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