you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
