I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
