He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
