Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
