So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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