It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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