i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
