The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
