don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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