Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
