the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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