I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
