Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
