I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
