just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
