I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
