I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I could fuck to npr.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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