omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
