Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
