Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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