remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
