I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
