He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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