So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
