life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
