then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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