my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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