Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love accidental penises.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
